I'm looking forward to

writing for the joy of writing.

This is the first time I have not had homework in three years. The funny thing about school is that we are trained to experience it as a brain-forward Sword of Damocles, but it’s really just Very Intense Curiosity. Until I get a B. Tonight neither child was inclined to help with dinner, so I largely made it myself. The kids have split cooking duty without really planning it over the last week. That feels like a miracle. They were so smooth about it that I just relied on it. Amazing.

Lima Bean peeled the boiled eggs, and he hung out with me a little bit while I did the prep work. I really put heavy pressure on him to do the cooking. I so did not want to do it tonight. Anyway, he cooked last night, and it was really elaborate, so I don’t blame him for not wanting to do it again.

I think that’s one of my favorite things about kids, although it took me a while to get here. I love the push and pull of figuring out where their natural boundaries are without being either a pushover or a tyrant. He hung out with me in the kitchen even though he didn’t want to help, and I love that they’re willing to be uncomfortable with me.

Cheetah stressed herself so hard this semester that she made herself sick. She stayed home with me Monday and Tuesday, so she got to listen in on my last Paul & New Testament Letters class. There is an interesting push/pull here, too. Cheetah is really into talking about religion and philosophy, but only when we come at it slant. If she thinks I’m trying to have a serious conversation, it’s OVER. But she’s also low-key asking me questions about the Barbie & Heidegger post series and had me reading parts of it out loud to her. Making sure I stay present enough to catch the Deep Thoughts when she drops them without being too eager, that’s a tightrope.

Parenting like this is REALLY difficult. Our culture gets so hung up on making sure young people are properly under their parents’ control that I spend an inordinate amount of time wondering whether I’m too lenient or something. I have to walk the line: am I teaching them to be relational or self-centered?

But I notice those fears mostly come up when I’m worrying about myself. They’re really cool people. They almost always get up and contribute when I ask them too¹, and even when they resist, it isn’t a fight. We laugh and play, and sometimes I need to correct. I have this tendency to Always Be Optimizing, and I think it’s fine to just enjoy who they are.

I feel a bit at loose ends without a massive paper lurching through the back of my mind like Bigfoot. Cheetah has been running loads of laundry, and Lima Bean has loaded his clothes into the back of the car. When I’m done here, I’ll go downstairs and pack a bag. We are spending Thursday night in Denver with Eldest Daughter who is flying in to town to surprise the kids and see me graduate. 36 hours to graduation!

1. And yeah, maybe that bar is too low. But I also would like an award for doing the bare minimum. And frankly, I think that’s fine.